Mum’s Funeral – 15th August 2018

Eunice McKenzie Harrison (nee McKay)

27th March 1922 – 1st August 2018

Mum – a lifetime in pictures and music from David & Jane, with many thanks to Louise for helping us put it together.

Here also is the Robbie Burns poem – Ae Fond Kiss – set to music, with which we said farewell to mum …

 

Here are the eulogies from the Thanksgiving Service …

David

Mum’s mind has finally stopped driving her onwards. Right to the end it was clear that she loved life. I almost expected her a fortnight ago to sit up, say “TaDa! Just kidding” and pick up her magnifying glass to start reading her iPad. We can only marvel at her constitution, her resolve, her steadfastness and her strength of purpose. She was waiting for just the right moment to leave us, and that she did; it was a very moving and lovely moment. Afterwards, as I read the death certificate I wondered aloud why you couldn’t record as cause of death “Worn out”, because that is what had happened. She’d passed the baton on to Jane and myself, her life’s work was complete.

Eunice McKenzie McKay was born in Dunblane, in Perthshire, the third child of John McKenzie McKay and Catherine Mary Ross. Dunblane is a beautiful sleepy little town, now by-passed, which has allowed it to retain most of its character from the time mum was born. John and Catherine had met when she had travelled down to Dunblane from Inverness with two of her sisters to work “in service”. John was to become the village “postie” and soon they were to move into their first and only house “Dunearn”, which Jane and I often visited as children, quite close to the station. 

The station was to figure quite a lot in mum’s early years, because after early school at St Mary’s Primary, she had to travel 12miles to Calendar on the train each day to attend Maclaren High School where she sang in the school choir and played in the school hockey team before matriculating and leaving for Edinburgh where she worked in the Education Department for a while until she joined the WAAF and the Meteorological Service. For those present who knew mum in her later years, it may amuse or amaze you to know that in her WAAF days she used to be tasked with climbing up rickety ladders on the side of air craft hangers to raise weather balloons and take readings! Stationed in the early years of the war at Leuchars, she sadly lost her sweetheart who was a bomber pilot.   Mum was later to be posted to Plymouth which was to be a key move in her life. 

This element of travel was a feature of her life. She’d been fortunate, along with her lifelong friend Jean, to travel in Europe in the pre-war years as guests of Mr and Mrs Wilson, the woollen mill owner in Dunblane, and this travelling bug was to stay with her for the rest of her life. For a long time we were able to joke with her that she’d seen more of the world than we had.

But I digress. The move to Plymouth was to introduce her to the world of telegraphic romance and the fun of “virtual” meetings with Douglas. He was an observer in the Met Office in the Azores and after he’d sent his weather reports to this WAAF girl, there would be a few moments to tap out personal messages to each other. One thing led to another and soon he had applied for a transfer, and they were engaged in clandestine meetings, and shift-switch picnics as their romance blossomed. They married in 1947, in Dunblane and made for the station and the train to Oban where they spent their honeymoon. A year and a half later there was to be a happy event (me) in Horsham where they’d setup their first house together, but then a challenging time followed as she had to nurse my father through tuberculosis. Happily he recovered. 

Jane was born in 1952, and dad’s career in the bank developed with a move to Brighton where we spent our early and formative years as children. We had some really lovely years in Brighton and mum always said this was one of the happiest periods of her life as she supported her husband through banking exams and saw her children develop into the pair you see before you today.

Every year we travelled by train, or coach, back to Dunblane to see Granny and Grandpa, a trip that has made Dunblane very much part of our lives. We had friends in Dunblane, places we always liked to visit, many relatives that we saw, and of course the Highland Games at Bridge of Allan. It is absolutely fitting that we will be returning to Dunblane; to St Mary’s Church, to comply with mum’s wishes for her ashes to be interred with other members of her family in the graveyard there.

Such were the regular moves that our father undertook in his role within the bank, that after two years in any one place we awaited eagerly the news of where we would be off to next.  Mum took each move in her stride – perhaps my sister and I were less enthusiastic, faced with new schools and making new friends. 

After a spell in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire, we moved west to Penzance. Our time in Cornwall gave us as children perhaps the most freedom with happy days spent on the beach – a regular occurrence.  Mum too was happy in Penzance and we spent many a Sunday going for drives around the County to explore the sites, whilst I sat in the back grumpily tuned into Alan Freeman’s Pick of the Pops on a transistor radio which I held to my ear.

After Cornwall, there was a spell in Cardiff and I remember the first trip to our new home and being amazed I hadn’t seen a coal mine! After four years in Wales they returned to Brighton from which they then retired to dad’s home area in the New Forest. Having strong links to both Cardiff and Brighton – we came to look upon both these two cities as our other homes and it is lovely to see some old friends today from our time in both places.

You can see now what I meant about travel being a feature of mum’s life, but perhaps more striking was her easy acceptance of her role to build a new home afresh at every new port of call, and to make a new collection of friends. This was a task that she excelled in and I know enjoyed, but I also believe it was a joy eventually for her to put down roots in New Milton, and at Strathearn.

Jane

So it was in 1974 that our parents moved to New Milton and took up semi-retirement. It was not long before Mum embraced a new and active life in the area. Through my father’s involvement in Highcliffe Golf Club, mum also took up Golf and made many new friends. Mum also took up Patchwork and Quilting being introduced to this wonderful craft by her neighbour, Pam – a friendship that lasted to the end of her life. Mum’s grand-daughters (5 in total) all benefitted from mum’s skill as a quilter and have wonderful hand sewn patchwork quilts, presented on their 18th birthdays, to remember her by. I never got one!! Mum was also an active member of the local Flower Club and always had interesting flower arrangements dotted around the house and cuttings rooting in the garden.

After our father’s passing in 1984, Mum increased her church activities joining the Mothers Union, packing parcels for overseas missionary work, helping the Cafe Team at Winchester Cathedral and latterly enjoying social activities offered, such as the monthly Church lunches.

Our mum had a talent for making friends wherever she went. As my brother has recounted, their travels and many homes meaning these friendships lasted many decades in some cases making her Christmas card list legendary at 90 cards! She was a great listener and always interested in people and their lives.

Last year Mum tried out a week at a Residential Home in Sussex, near my home. This didn’t go too well and following a “break out” from the home, she returned to New Milton within a fortnight. Although this was a stressful time for Mum and for us – it was the best move we ever made. Mum returned to her home of 40+ years and to the friends and community that she knew so well. We cannot thank everyone enough for the support they gave Mum once she returned home, our thanks especially go to Joan and John and to Angela and Paul who were unfailing in their love for mum and kept a watching eye on her when we could not be near. Regular visits from the Reverend Graham Smith, Angela, Dorothy, Brian and Jean and Alan, kept Mum in touch with the outside world and indeed the opportunity to discuss local issues and the wider world of current affairs. We cannot thank you all enough for the time you took to keep in touch with Mum and ensure her world was larger than her sitting room.

Mum never ever complained and to the end she was brave and thinking of others, sometimes apologising for being such a burden to her carers. Mum would want us to thank all the wonderful people who cared for her over the last few years, to everyone at Forest Care but especially to Carole who became part of our family at the end.

Mum’s talent for listening and communicating made her a wonderful sounding board for the family and she gained the nickname of “Information Central” as she gathered news from all corners of the family and passed it on quickly to everyone – sometimes a little too quickly!! But she was the pivot for our family, the glue and a hard act to follow.

As a mother, grand-mother and great-grandmother she was comforting to be around and before life took her into a more difficult phase, was always cooking, baking and organising for us all. One of my treasured and most recent memories was watching her at Christmas as she held her newest two grandsons (then only 3 and 4 months old) for the first time as she tenderly kissed them with her face full of wonder.

All of us, children, grand children and great grandchildren loved her greatly and will miss her enormously – but as someone once said “all stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it’s only an opportunity for another story to begin”.

So dear Mum – I will miss our daily 5pm phone chats more than you can ever know. We all thank you for your support and guidance and love. Your light went out in the sunshine and you left (the house) under the stars. I hope we did you proud.

Ruth

LIKE a fine bottle of sherry or a good game of Scrabble, our Granny got better with age.

It’s the little things that we remember; seaside trips to Barton beach, her golden-coloured biscuits with the perfect crunch, the view from her living room window: perfect for people-watching, her china cups, adventures in the New Forest when we were young – and old – naps in the afternoon when the buzz of New Milton just got too much, the way a Christmas party hat would always stay put on her perfectly-coiffured hair.

We’ll never forget her “Cheerios” on the telephone or the way she poked fun at herself – even as things became more difficult towards the end.

Her Scottish grit never left her. Granny was spirited, strong, independent, generous, dignified – always true. She taught us all about how to live a life well, adapting to the times and keeping up with her grandchildren on social media.

She was our very own iGran, tapping away on Google plus, writing emails late at night, FaceTiming with her great-grandchildren across the world; Ewan and Maggie in Australia; James and Tom in Leeds – and little Dougie in London. “I am getting in a tizwiz with this new Google but I will persevere,” she said in her first post.

And persevere she did. I always felt a burst of pride seeing an email from Granny that ended with “Sent from my iPad.”

As her eyesight and hands failed her, Granny’s sense of curiosity and interest in the world never wavered. Several years ago, we bought her a Kindle so she could continue reading and at the last count, she’d read over 40 books. Something I’m sure helped her beat Gail at Scrabble – but obviously, never Peter.

Each of us holds dear memories of our Granny – as I am sure you all do.

For Gail, it's the special yolk-only poached eggs she enjoyed at the breakfast table with Granny and Grumpy as a child. It’s being able to wrap herself up in the beautiful quilt Granny handmade for her 18th birthday. Glorious summer holidays to New Milton with Martin, James and Tom will always be treasured. There were trips to Hengistbury Head on the land train, picnics in the forest. And watching Granny read bedtime stories to the boys’ in the twin beds we all used to sleep in as children, is something that she will always remember.

For Peter, it’s the crazy golf games with DJ in the back garden, her tasty casseroles, watching Ewan and Maggie ride on the stairlift on trips back to the UK with Shells, being told never to forget his roots and to try not to be so brash, always being called David and upon seeing him and Michelle for the last time a few weeks ago, hearing Granny exclaim to the tallest of Harrisons’: “He’s huge.”

For David James, it’s the memory of trying to escape “Big G’s” aged six on Barton Beach, playing with toys on her landing, Kellogg’s multi-packs, landing a hole-in-one at a local pitch and putt and not being able to convince a single adult of his glorious achievement. It’s the beauty of the New Forest; woodland walks, trips to the beach for honeycomb ice-cream with Jess and surprising Granny by cycling 135 miles to see her in a day.

And who could forget Queen Eunice’s faux Christmas Day speech that she gave in October when we were all together at a cottage in Ashbourne, Derbyshire, in 1994.

Just like HRH, our EMH was the head of our family. And her support and steadfastness, although sometimes silent, held us all together.

For me, as a young girl, I felt awkward next to this powerhouse of a woman. So strong, so proper, so elegant. She was glamorous; in her youth and as she aged – not a hair out of place. No one wore a teal cardigan as well as her.

I’ll never forget her wicked sense of humour – and her honesty. I’ll always remember the twinkle in her eye as she delicately informed my husband Ross that he had been pronouncing his Scottish surname incorrectly his whole life.And the time I gave a speech at our wedding, only for her to tell me, quite correctly; “Dear, it was lovely, but a little long. I do wish that you’d have just sat down.”

To you, Granny, I hope that I have not run on too much. For there is so much to say about you. I’ll always remember the way you stood, so resolute, at the white door of 50a Brook Avenue and waved us off after each visit.

My heart always broke as we turned the corner.

I hated leaving you there.

But it was your happy home and so much a part of you, that you weren’t to leave it until you were perfectly ready.

Farewell, dearest Granny. Here’s to your next adventure. You have given us the greatest gift of all – a loving family who will always look out for one another.

And for that, we will always be thankful.

Louise

When thinking of Granny there are three words alone that stand out – Love, warmth and compassion. She oozed it. She was gentle, kind, an amazing role model to her grandchildren and any other person that happened to meet her. She was always smiling and you would often find strangers smiling back at her as she sat in her window each day. She was infectious! Granny smiled, she let light and hope in and she was gentle and kind with her words. We never remember her cross – not even when, as a child, I leant on her dining table and broke it with my elbows! She firmly believed in letting emotions out and embracing what life brings you. We all live by this today.
Granny made a huge imprint on so many different people’s lives.

We all have the best memories as children of our time with Granny, where the ponies lived. As young children we remember the great excitement as the car was packed up and voices announced ‘we’re off to Grannies’. Granny always had an uncanny way of knowing when you were just around the corner. She would be waiting with a little wave with the words ‘good I’ve just put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea’. Our days were jam packed full of trips to the duck pond, playing pooh sticks on the bridge on the way, putting on granny’s little homemade aprons and standing on the yellow step to cook and bake biscuits. At the end of each day we all remember the fun we had at bath time with Granny’s cotton reels and the purple Matey’s Octopus followed by a talcum powder explosion on three giggling girls!

As 18 year old ladies we were all given an amazing handmade quilt – it was unique full of passion, love and thought. Each of us still remember how proud we were standing next to them in the quilting exhibition and knowing that this had been patched and stitched together to create a soft, beautiful piece just for us. They were perfect and Granny had created beauty. We will all treasure these.

We always went away from Granny’s towards our home happy, heavy from good food, tired from days in the fresh air and filled with so many happy memories. However, like now, the goodbyes are always hard.

In more recent times, Granny has enjoyed joining in with everything musical crackers and racing christmas puddings, playing Cluedo and laughing so much she thought she would burst, and dancing at Alice’s wedding with her walker. Nothing stopped her.

We all have moments like these and Granny was at the heart of them all. Over the last couple of years it has been a privilege to have watched the relationships that have grown through meeting her Great Grandchildren Isabel, Alfie and Stanley. She will always be known to them as GG (Great Granny)!

For Sarah she remembers the huge amounts of tea that tested everyone’s tea stamina (and bladders) and the visits to Granny’s favourite garden centres for yummy lunches. She remembers all the lovely home baking including drop scones, her famous vanilla tablet and being taught the art of shortbread making from an early age- something that Sarah is still trying to perfect! Days were restful at Granny’s and Sarah remembers many holidays that involved walks on the forest and playing games at Wilverly Plain. This was however Granny’s favourite spot for picking up the horse manure and we remember being slightly embarrassed and horrified but fascinated that it would help something to grow. Her garden thrived and secretly we all knew why. One of Sarah’s most treasured memories was introducing Granny to Stanley, her youngest Great Grandson at Christmas, and then having the opportunity to take him to the New Forest in March to see the person, house and place that holds so many happy memories. It was a very special moment.

Alice remembers waking up in Granny’s house and hearing her singing along with the radio as she prepared the breakfast so nicely for us all. One of our hilarious days out included Exbury gardens and using a wheelchair with Granny for the first time. Alice took hold of the steering and Granny nearly ended up in the flowerbeds and pond quite a few times. Granny squealed and laughed with excitement and was delighted in the fact she had seen all the sculptures around the garden. It was always a running joke after that – strapped in and ready to go … are you sure?! Lately Alice (and Granny) saw such joy to bring Isabel down to see GG where she enjoyed teaching Isabel nursery rhymes that she had learnt when she was younger and more recently introducing Alfie to GG and seeing him ‘kiss’ her hand. For little Isabel she loved Suki the dog, brushing her coat with GG’s soft hairbrush. It was wonderful to see her experiencing all the lovely things we did when we were younger and watching their relationship grow.

Over the years, I have relished the times when it was another ‘off to Grannies adventure’. Visits included trips to gardens and even the occasional enjoyment of watching her sleep at the hairdressers whilst her hair was drying – still with a gentle smile. We also became ‘afternoon tea inspectors’ rating many different establishments. Granny always gave this great thought and consideration wrapped up with a cheeky grin. For the record, a certain Beaulieu hotel was by far the best scoring 10’s across the board! I will miss all the incidental moments like the sound of her laugh, the ‘coooweee’ moments stated from the bottom of the road at secondary school and I will miss the warmth of her hands as she lightly tapped mine to remind me that it will be ok. Holding her frail hand in her final days and other such moments will always stay with me – it was an honour and privilege to help her and softly whisper how much we loved her. She nodded and smiled knowingly.
She loved and we loved her back.

Granny had the biggest of hearts, she was brave and had the strength of a giant. She has left a big hole in our family but it is filled with the joyous memories and moments she shared with us. Sometimes the smallest things take up the biggest room in your hearts – and she certainly did. What a life she had. She left us all with dignity, grace and a huge sense of peace. She was our everything, our Super Gran, our safe place and our joy. Our Granny and our GG. Now you can rest and be with Grumpy. We love and thank you, take care as new adventures await.